3 Ways Liberals Think: Hollywood Edition


I confess, I had actually wanted to see Elysium when I first saw the trailer, because I really liked District 9 – another sci-fi film by director Neill Blomkamp. Now, I almost feel bad mentioning District 9 in the same post as Elysium.

If über-liberal Matt Damon hadn’t been the star of the film, I would have thought it was a parody of socialized medicine and immigration reform. But after 109 minutes of my life that I will never get back, I realized that I had learned something new.

Let me share my new liberal Hollywood wisdom with you:

1. You can only be really rich or really poor. Most importantly, there is no chance that you can better yourself.

Elysium: In this film, there was no in-between. The citizens were either part of the evil 1% that lived on the man-made habitat of Elysium, or were stuck on Earth while destitute, sad, and in need of a bath. The people on Earth were constantly stricken with disease, while the citizens of Elysium had magical machines that cured all illnesses. Everyone living on planet Earth had been left behind years before and apparently no one had been able to climb up the social ladder, as they were all stuck working dangerous jobs that the rich people didn’t want.

Interestingly, however, despite not having the money or skill sets to figure out basic healthcare or how to shower, the people of Earth had the capacity to develop suits that gave Matt Damon superhuman strength and ships that could fly into space.

District 9: The aliens are second-class citizens and forced to live in slums under military watch, despite being extremely intelligent. The species was so technologically advanced that they had created weapons that operated on DNA, yet could not figure out how to live among humans and developed debilitating addictions… to cat food.

Why do liberals seem to to simultaneously commend those of a lower socioeconomic group for their struggle, while also degrading them by the simple fact that liberals do not believe they can do anything to better themselves. Don’t believe me? Just mention welfare reform and listen to a liberal screech “racism” until your ears bleed.

District 9

2. Anyone who wants immigration reform is a heartless monster.

Elysium: The “undocumented ships” (yes, they actually used this term… and yes, I actually laughed out loud in the empty theater) in this film were attempting to fly into Elysium with the intention of breaking into homes and using the medical machines.

Jodie Foster’s character, a not-so-subtle representation of the evil Republicans who want immigration reform (the horror), wants to preserve the life the government has created in Elysium. She goes too far by ordering the ships be shot down when they cross into Elysium’s airspace. Yet even the President of Elysium, who eviscerated Foster’s character for shooting down the ships, is only trying to appear like a nice guy for PR purposes.

These people were trying to break into homes and steal — not from the government who created this mess, but from other citizens who have committed no crime other than being wealthy.

Later on, Matt Damon’s character steals the computer code to operate the machines, killing their creator in the process. Yet we’re supposed to feel sorry for these characters? Try harder next time, Blomkamp.

3. Corporations are evil. Duh.

District 9: The aliens were harvested for their DNA, because a corporation wanted to have control of their weapons for military purposes. (District 9 Part Two will probably be about those crazy gun-nuts who want the Second Amendment to cover their new alien-DNA rifles, amirite?!)

Elysium: The owner of the corporation that is responsible for creating these curing machines is shown to be a big meanie who doesn’t care about Matt Damon when he gets radiation poisoning in the factory.

The absolutely terrific character development in Elysium offers no insight into why — and instead forces the viewer to assume it’s because he’s just a rich asshole.

Most incredibly, he’s a rich asshole without any business sense. His company is losing revenue. So, naturally, since there is an obvious market for his product on Earth, he chooses… not to sell them on Earth?


4. Bonus Film!

Pocahontas rip-off Avatar: The Resources Development Administration (playing the role of corporation/villain) is mining for “unobtanium” on Pandora, destroying the environment of the creatures that inhabit the planet. No mention is made of what would happen on Earth without unobtainium — but who cares about the impact on humans when there are trees to save?

Avatar, thank goodness you’re pretty.

This lesson wasn’t shocking. Liberals love to hate corporations. Just like President Obama has really stuck it to:

JP Morgan


General Motors

General Electric

Health insurance companies


Well… nevermind. Obama isn’t actually a good liberal. But maybe he would know how awful corporations are if he had seen these movies.

I didn’t think I could take Matt Damon less seriously than I already did, but this latest effort proved me wrong. Honestly, the only way Elysium could have tried harder to be liberal propaganda would have been to have Michael Moore direct and star in it.

In spite of all that, I actually think more people should see Elysium, because there is nothing that can destroy a liberal cause like a liberal that tries too hard to get the point across.