Have White Privilege? Undergo The 7-Day Racial Bias Cleanse!

Are you White? If yes, then no need to consult your doctor because you already have W.P., also known as White Privilege.

Does knowing you have W.P. cause you to have days of feeling down because white privilege is getting in the way of your being truly downtrodden and oppressed?

Do you wish that there was some way to help alleviate the symptoms of this chronic condition?

Then we have great news to announce for you! Introducing the 7-day Racial Bias Cleanse brought to you exclusively by MTV.

This all new cleanse program is offered as a companion to a new documentary airing on the “Music Television” network with the overly pithy name of, “White People,” that follows around five 20-something’s with chronic white privilege and is going to show us “what it really means to be white in our country and why it matters.”

Finally! A documentary that will allow America’s white youth to really get why they don’t feel nearly the right amount of self-hatred and a cleanse to purge the toxins!

The 7-day Racial Bias Cleanse is unlike any demotivational program you’ve ever used before! It will assist you in feeling adequately uncomfortable in your own paste-colored skin while at the same time helping you understand exactly how awful you and your ancestors really are. According to the program’s creators, it “will provide you with daily tasks that will help you begin to de-bias yourself.” At long last!

I’m not just saying this as an unpaid, non-endorsed (or wanted really) spokesperson, I’m saying it as a program participant. From Day One you’ll be on your way to realizing that your biases are just like not noticing a moonwalking gorilla while you’re supposed to be counting basketball passes.

Yes, really.

You’ll also learn that, “Even though we may not outwardly be biased, there are implicit biases that we may have absorbed unconsciously that color the way that we think – even though we might not even know that they’re there.”

What happens after the first day I’m not really sure because I just started. It’s sure to have all kinds of enlightening things brought to us in emails bereft of capitalized first letters on topics like:

  • “You may have been there first, but your white privilege is what got you seated before that darker guy.”
  • “Put that “nude” colored makeup down, it’s laced with White Privilege.” And a personal favorite,
  • “You can’t say that!”

Sign up now for the low, low price of sacrificing one personal email address to years of spam mail, and just most of your self-esteem! Because even if your Rachel Dolezal, a white person pretending to be black, you still have W.P.

**Disclaimer: You will still have White Privilege after completing this program.