The Clinton Pregnancy Conspiracies You Haven’t Heard!

Chelsea Clinton announced last week that she was pregnant, causing widespread celebration on the Left. Soon-to-be grandparents Bill and Hillary Clinton tweeted their excitement over the news, and media outlets everywhere fell over themselves trying to report the news first.

In addition to the liberal jubilation, there was plenty of conservative snark, especially from pro-lifers bemoaning the fact that pro-choice Chelsea referred to her unborn child as a baby rather than a fetus.

There was even a conspiracy theory floated around regarding Chelsea’s pregnancy. Tin-foil hat wearer Former talk-show host Steve Malzberg wanted to know why she had chosen now to get pregnant. Mediate reports:

Steve Malzberg is leading the charge with this video suggesting Chelsea Clinton’s pregnancy is being effectively “staged” to help her mother win the 2016 presidential election.

And excited Malzberg announced the 34-year-old Clinton’s pregnancy, saying, “Lo and behold, Hillary was by her side” when she made the announcement. “Hillary Clinton is going to be a grandmother when she runs for president!” he exclaimed.

Sadly, I don’t think Malzberg covered all the possibilities. Here are some other possible reasons as to why Chelsea Clinton chose now to announce her pregnancy.

1) Chelsea is faking the pregnancy, à la Beyoncé.

Remember when Beyoncè was accused of faking her pregnancy because she didn’t gain a lot of weight, had a weird belly bump, and even rented out an entire floor of a hospital to prevent anyone from discovering the truth ?

Well, it could very likely be that Chelsea is doing the same. Chelsea has gotten jealous of the constant attention given to her mother, and wants to be in the limelight. Not only that, but on her last TV appearance just before announcing the pregnancy, Chelsea’s belly appeared flat as ever. She must be faking it, because when has anyone ever heard of a woman not showing in the early stages of her pregnancy?

2) Chelsea is actually a mole for the RNC, set on ruining her mother’s chances for a 2016 election bid. 

It’s no secret that Democrats have been winning the young single woman demographic, and Republicans need to start winning them over. Having the young daughter of a prominent pro-choice politician come out against her own mother would be quite a blow. Chelsea’s going to have the child and then announce her new pro-life stance. You can be sure this will include plenty of carefully timed photo ops of Chelsea and her husband cradling Baby Clinton while sitting next to prominent Republican politicians.

3) Chelsea is actually acting as a surrogate for…Hillary!

I had to channel my inner National Enquirer writer for this one, but I think it’s the most plausible.

The Clintons have tons of money. At last count, Hillary makes $200,000 per speaking engagement, and Bill rakes in a hefty $500,000 per 45 minute speech. Given Hillary’s political ambitions, it only makes sense that they’ve used their status as one percenters to invest in cloning technology.

The last time the former First Lady was a “sure thing” to win the White House, a smooth talking liberal stole her thunder. This time around, with Elizabeth Warren’s popularity increasing daily, Hillary refuses to take any chances. This ensures that Hillary will be President, even if she loses in 2016. The surrogate baby will run for president in 2052.


On a serious note, let us focus on what’s actually going on here: A woman got pregnant, and will soon be celebrating a new addition to her family. Yes, Hillary Clinton might come across more sympathetic to voters as a grandmother figure, but these conspiracy theories are just a waste of time. 

The real focus here should be on watching liberals beclown themselves through this whole ordeal.

Earlier this week, Mike Peters wrote a critique of Robert Shiller’s latest tirade against income inequality, which has been a focal point for liberals for the past few years. For a group that despises the rich, the Left sure has venerated the Clinton family to royal status, and are exhibiting more excitement over Chelsea’s baby-to-be than the Brits did over little Prince George. If these past few days are any indication, the amount of coverage Prince Baby Clinton will receive over the next few months will be enough to give us all morning sickness.