It’s Friday, Friday: so not only is it time to get down, it’s time for the weekly PFoL Awards. With Editor in Chief Jay Caruso carousing in Orlando at Right Online 2013, I’m going to welcome one of my favorite actors — Leonardo DiCaprio — to the club. Not only can the guy really act, but I respect someone who chooses most of his roles based on whether he gets to wear cool costumes. Seriously, go to his IMDB and count the number of period pieces in his filmography.
Drumroll please. It’s time for the PFoL Leonardo DiCaprio Awards!
P.S. There’s a spoiler for Shutter Island (#2), if you care about that sort of thing.
The Leonardo DiCaprio “Wait Was that All a Dream” Award
President Obama still has not discussed an official declaration of war on Syria with Congress. Mind you, 80% of Americans want Congressional approval. President Obama is the same guy who criticized President Bush for doing this exact same thing, back in a 2007 campaign speech. At many times it is difficult to discern whether Senator Obama and President Obama are actually the same person. I have my doubts. The street might fold on itself at any moment.
Was all that stuff from before just a dream? Or is this whole mess a dream? Or what if it’s a dream within a dream?
Oh, and a chaser: President Obama said in 2012 that any sort of military action in Syria would be a “mistake.”
The Leonardo DiCaprio “My Imaginary Friends & Me” Award
DiCaprio’s character had a wide array of imaginary friends in the film Shutter Island. Heck, almost every scene in the movie was Teddy Daniels chilling with one of his imaginary friends. Turns out Newark, NJ mayor and Senate candidate Cory Booker is sort of doing the same thing.
The main character in one of Booker’s favorite stories to tell is a guy named T-Bone — who doesn’t actually exist. Booker denies this, but more evidence is cropping up that T-Bone is more of a “composite” (like Obama’s girlfriend). Has Booker come up with a whole cast of imaginary friends to talk about in stump speech fairy tales?
Perhaps the folks on Shutter Island would enjoy the stories.
The Leonardo DiCaprio “Drop it Like it’s Hot” Award
You may not be aware, but Miley Cyrus twerked at the VMAs during her performance with Robin Thicke. This watershed moment in US history has received very little coverage in the press. However, her bravery to bring the party to the big stage has earned her the Leonardo DiCaprio “Drop it Like it’s Hot” Award.
I’m not sure if they twerked and humped foam fingers back in the 1920s flapper era, but they certainly approached partying with the same grace and dignity as Miley.
The Leonardo DiCaprio “Straight Up Death Fest” Award
Gangs of New York is all about warfare over territory, street cred, love, and whatever else. That movie was really long, I lost track after awhile. If you want some comparable form of justice, there’s no better place to look than reliably insane North Korea.
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un’s ex-girlfriend Hyon Song-wol — along with eleven fellow members of the Unhasu Orchestra — were killed via a crap ton of machine guns as punishment for pornography charges. Pornography doesn’t really get the death penalty in North Korea, so it’s possible the orchestra were political dissidents. But Kim Jong-un’s wife oh so coincidentally used to be in the Unhasu Orchestra with Hyon Song-wol. And, ya know, she’s the dictator’s ex. From like ten years ago. Jealous wife? Pissed off ex-boyfriend?
Who knows. North Korea is weird like that.
The Leonardo DiCaprio “Guess You Can Catch Me” Award
Just like DiCaprio’s character Frank Abagnale Jr. couldn’t be on the lam forever, one of India’s most wanted — Yasin Bhatkal — was captured yesterday. Bhatkal is the founder and leader of Indian Mujahideen (IM), a jihadi terrorist group that has been tied to dozens of bombings dating back to 2010. IM is an example of one of India’s “home grown” terrorist groups, as opposed to Pakistani groups who were doing the bombings for awhile. The investigation leading up to Bhatkal’s capture included all sorts of secret spy-like stuff and his code name was “The Ghost Who Bombs.”
The Ghost Who Bombs remained a spectre for awhile, but eventually “catch me if you can” turned into “yeah, we found you.”
The Leonardo DiCaprio “Things Can Go to Shit Even When You’re Not on a Hippie Commune in the God Forsaken Jungles of Thailand” Award
After the hippie commune in The Beach unsurprisingly crashes and burns, DiCaprio’s character is contacted by one of his former comrades. She sends a photo of happier times chilling in the jungle and avoiding being shot by pot growers, labeling it as a “parallel universe.”
In a previous military engagement, the UN wagged its finger at the United States for declaring war on a Middle Eastern country that wasn’t Syria. Now the UK has turned down intervening in Syria after Parliament shot down the proposal to do so (pun unintended). This result may or may not be heavily influenced by protests from the British public. Prime Minister David Cameron isn’t all that pleased about it, but stated that he won’t override the Parliament’s decision.
All this said, the US is still mulling over getting involved in Syria despite one of our closest allies backing out. What’s going on here again? Are we in a parallel universe?
And that wraps up the PFoL Leonardo DiCaprio Awards. Congratulations to all the winners and nominees. Be sure to drop us a line and tell us who you would like to see in a future edition of the PFoL awards.
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